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Friday, April 30, 2010

oh, to be a child...

It's funny...looking at a child and thinking "Wow. Her world is so...small." It's an odd feeling to be in a room with your 8-year old sister, tears streaming down both your faces: hers as a result of being forced to go sit at a "boring" mother-daughter banquet for 3 hours; yours as a result of reading the comments on a friend's Facebook page, each one saying "I'm so sorry for your loss." How very different are the sources of tears between an 8-year old and a 17-year old...While the main thought on her mind is "I don't wanna!!", the one stuck with me is "Why? Why them?". She's seeing the image of herself sitting angrily at a table for 3 hours; I'm seeing a father have his first and last dance with his baby girl. She's hearing the sounds of old women singing terrible music all night; I'm hearing the sound of a mother sing one last song to her child. She's angry at my parents for making her go, while I'm finding myself completely confused. A tiny bit angry...but completely unable to understand. I'm just unable to see what good could come out of taking a child away from her parents: parents who love and live for God, and would've raised their little girl to love and live for Him. I'm just failing to understand at this moment in time, and perhaps never will. I just know that my heart has never been this broken, not for myself, and not for anyone else...but for now, I'm doing what I've learned to do: praising God, and trusting Him; trusting that He will bring beauty from ashes.

2 comments:

Christ-Blade said...

I know you know this already, but it doesn't hurt to be reminded.

Trust.

That's what EVERYTHING seems to come down to. Do trust the God you believe in? Do you trust that He can love like you or I will never be able to? Do trust that He is omniscient? And that therefore, everything He allows, everything that happens for those that love Him, is altogether for their good.

I know these words don't sound like the most comforting, but if you can allow them to really come into your heart and spirit, they can heal the hurt, and ease the pain. I myself, recently went a very similar experience, so I understand. I'll be praying for you.

Fox

Bright Eyes and Lullabies said...

thanks. and they're comforting enough :) i'm doing a great amount better at the moment, actually. i'm in the process of learning ;) thanks though.